Right now

My mood is Ok but I secretly think no one likes me.
I'm afraid he'll never come back
I hate seroquel
I think even the internet hates me
I'm smiling in spite of all this and don't know why
I'm watching breaking bad
I took my night meds three hours ago and still can't sleep
I know that sometimes I can drink 10 pots of coffee in a day and it does nothing but on other days I can barely handle a cup without shaking
I'm tired
My kid is STILL awake
I think my family hates me too
I wonder if I'm a good mother
I'm worried I'll spend all my money on crap
I wonder what my life would be like if I wasn't mentally ill
Or if I didn't get cancer
I know that even though I can't afford it I'm a lot more mentally and financially stable when I live on my own
I'm frustrated about EVERYTHING
I wish I had been more patient with him
I can't sleep
My thoughts are racing
I wish I had a bedroom
I wonder why I never like someone who is ready for me
I think I must not be ready
I KNOW I'm not ready yet
But I also know I'm willing and able
My legs hurt from walking three miles in my slippers in under an hour
My thoughts are everywhere from ecstatic to miserable and possibly suicidal and likely all somewhat delusional
Bouncing back and forth
I wish my med adjustment would be sooner because I want relief
I wish I could drink
I wish I hadn't gained 35lbs
I wish my cat was closer
I wish my thoughts were whole
I know that wishes mean nothing
I want my head to quiet
Spinning
I don't have a clue what to do.