I've always just used this blog as a dumping ground, and never put down any of the good thoughts that I have here. Really, that's because the good thoughts aren't bothering me! Also, I tend to share those freely with everyone. Anyway, I feel like sharing with you, so here goes.
I feel hopeful lately. I feel that even though the pieces aren't falling where I expected them to, they are laying the tile to create the path for the future. I feel that the mistakes that I am making today are teaching me the lessons that I will need to learn to be fully prepared for the good things (read: better things) that the future holds for me. The people that I am scaring off, or shaking off, are people that would have created more hurt in the long run, because they weren't in it for the real me. I am hopeful.
Lately, I have been seeing the world a little differently. Perhaps this thinking is the same kind of different, but more refined. If I lose my job tomorrow, that will free me up for something that I might be more suited to. If my apartment burns down, well, maybe it was time to be moving on. If something isn't going to work, there isn't any sense in forcing it. Someone was recently advising that I learn to go with the flow more. I told him that he might not know me enough see it, but I am already there. Maybe I need to continue to refine it, but I am already walking that path. Sometimes it's frustrating when someone doesn't see how far your path was, but that's ok. Those who are really in it will stick around and see. Those who don't really aren't worth the trouble, because they never will be.
Come to think of it, this all started with "Learning To Smile", my very first post here. That was the true start of my path. I have made a lot of progress throughout the years, surviving cancer, trying to save the people that I loved, taking care of my mother and my child etc... but around the time of that post, my eyes really opened to the concept of living for myself and taking responsibility for my own actions.
Anyway... rambling haha
I feel hopeful. All the men who leave me, the jobs that fire me, the friends who walk away... they are all laying the groundwork for the things that will pan out.
