quiet

My dark little corner of the interwebz has been rather quiet these days... I'm sorry. My mind has been elsewhere, and thus, I've been elsewhere. I owe you guys a happy post about the birthday party, and I was waiting until I could write it, which is why I've written nothing. You know how sometimes one of your friends wants to talk to you, but you just don't have the energy to say anything worth saying? Like if you respond to them, you'll only bring them down? Maybe it's just me... Anyway, that's where I'm at. And yet I can't seem to write anything NEGATIVE that's worth writing. That's usually my forte! Part of me wants to write some terrible poetry about suicide, part of me is too medicated to care, and part of me wants to write it on the spot with the music for once. I don't know what to do with myself, I guess. I sang in front of people the other day... I've been working on that. I have a great voice, I just have social anxiety most of the time. That's why I don't do videos. With writing, I can have a voice without being seen. I love that. However, when I sang in front of those people, I felt like I had a voice and COULD be seen, and I LOVED it. I've sang in front of people before, it's nothing really new. I was in choir in various incarnations for YEARS and I've done karaoke before. I hated karaoke, I think it was because of the crowd, in a way. They liked me. All eyes were intently on me. How terrifying! This time, I was at a party, another room full of drunk people... I was singing with two other girls, we were harmonizing beautifully... A man was playing his guitar, and at first he was singing too, but after a while, he just listened. I enjoyed the performance aspect of it. I know it was a small crowd, but I actually liked it. Usually, I just like the quiet. To hide amongst the shadows...
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