i don't know how to date

No, really... Whatever I do seems to be the wrong thing. I think I scared you off already. That was quick.

I'm fucking done!!

Life, the days of you kicking my ass are oficially over. You've been warned. Changes will be made.

you

i think that upon meeting every person that i ever dated, my first thought was somewhere along the lines of, "well you're a heartbreak waiting to happen, but i'll try anyway". When I first "met" you, I thought, "OMG I have to know this person." When I think about you, I can hardly wait to know you more, and the more I learn about you, the more I start to think I might really like to love you someday. I have never ever felt that way before. Actually, I feel a lot of things with you that I've never felt before. Ha ha I usually get a sense of impending doom when I think of starting something with someone. I have a really good feeling about you, though.

fuck it?

This entry shall hereby contain the following elements: unintelligible rambling, angry ranting that no one cares about, and odd streams of thought that do not appear to fit together to anyone other than the writer. By reading this, you hereby agree that 1) this entry need not make sense and 2) that if you feel damaged in some way after reading this, it's YOUR OWN FUCKING PROBLEM!!! The writer, therefore, assumes no personal responsibility for your reactions to what appears here, and you should GET THE FUCK OVER IT.

With that out of the way, I didn't have a very good day today, and frankly, everyone I spoke to made it worse. People suck. Vodka, on the other hand, fucking rocks. In the past weeks, my mind has driven itself many years into the future, to attempt to read what it might hold. Unfortunately, all I accomplished was creating even more confusion, and unraveling many decisions that I thought were set in stone for me. A long hard look at the possible sacrifices that I was willing to make for a career I'm not 100% sure I am committed to proved a need for re-evaluation. Initially, the decision was made assuming that there was nothing there to sacrifice, and that it was unlikely that anything could ever be. If this doesn't make sense to you, it's because it isn't supposed to. Anyway, the past few weeks appeared to be showing me otherwise, that maybe there was some kind of hope... At the moment, I doubt that... I'm just too screwed up for you or anyone else...

My mind is running in circles. Hopefully I can slow it down some. "Probably not, I know why... Can't explain me..."