LOL

Although I have not yet given birth to the proper phrasing, I have decided exactly what I would like to talk at you about the next time I'm here.
I will give my personal analysis on people who spew forth raw, unbridled rage at innocent bystanders regularly for reasons not apparent to those around them. Granted the reasons are obviously going to be individual and personal, but there is a definitive common thread, I'm sure. This information with be posted after undergoing rigorous research, development, analysis and testing, most of which will take place inside the dank abyss that is my head.

I've decided not to bother with this one after all.

useless drivel

If anyone is wondering, the poetry or whatever it is was written a very, very long time ago.
That said, I guess I will continue, easing into some sort of bizarre, incoherent and possibly vaguely interesting rant. I don't often have anything to say, really. When I do, I'm hard pressed to find anyone willing to listen. That's where you come in. I suppose I really don't need an audience, and in many ways, I'd prefer to remain without one. However, whatever it is I do here, however rarely I do it, is an outward expression of something. What that something is, well, that's another story for another day.

Either way, since I mainly keep my thoughts to myself, it seems important somehow to indulge the desire to *not* keep my thoughts to myself should it surface. Additionally, perhaps restraining my thoughts isn't a good thing. Certainly, in many situations, it is. I believe diplomacy has a strong value in a society. I'll even go so far as to say that I view it as sacred on some level. Without diplomacy, I really believe there would be even more wars than there already are. This is however, the very likely flawed logic of a hardcore feeler - just don't ever tell anyone I admitted that. I'll deny it. There is no need to correct me, if I wanted intellectual sparring, I could have easily taken this matter elsewhere. No, that thought is just another random one that happened to show up in this episode of the stream of my consciousness, and I was kind enough to share it with you - though I doubt you want it - because without consciousness, what are we?

The high-speed freight train that is my thought process has left it's track and is now MIA. In other words, I digress...
Thus far, this blog has been a place for me to dump darkness. You can expect more in the future, because to me, the only thing an external expression of these thoughts is good for is relief. It gets the thoughts out of my brain, and forces me out of a loop. The psychologist in me is wont to debate various aspects of my personality as a result of this revelation, for several reasons, however, this matter is unimportant; as it is totally irrelevant to the subject (haha, if you're paying attention, you know there isn't one...) at hand.

I'm hungry, so I'm done now. I'll come back when I have something worth saying.

away

too much rational thought
clouds out the conversation
too many times we've fought
wars for nothing
alcohol too thick to see through
your logic I can't follow
but I did it all for you

i lost everything today
stood up for what I believed in
so far away
our twisted minds prevent resolution
the simplest problems
held in restitution
can't win for losing
left it all in dissolution

i gave up today
lost it all
couldn't meet me halfway
you gave up today
nothing was real
you never cared anyway

lost in the desert
I thirst for life
while you drown yourself in alcohol
nothing but a lot of strife
throw it away
walked away in doubt
all alone anyway
my voice has no clout

i gave up today
lost it all
wouldn't meet me halfway
couldn't be
you don't care anyway
shouldn't be

i didn't ask for much
just wanted you
without your crutch

end

i drove your car off the bridge
i'm still here, a lifeless mess
i slit my wrists to bleed out all the pain
still here, i carry no less
verdict's in, i'll hang for this, your way
lucky me, the noose broke
now I can cry another day

i shot myself this morning
so i couldn't feel anymore
a life with no warning
i drowned in the atlantic
swimming with the fish
i froze to death in the antarctic
buried with the penguins, as you wish

i can't fix it, there's nothing to fix
the hole inside you is all your own
all i can do is apologize
and you can reap what you've sown
so i'm sorry, that the car floated
when it should have sunk, under there
and i'm sorry, that they stitched my wrists
im sorry that i didn't kick the chair

im sorry that i used a 22
should have used a 45
sorry i could swim
sorry i am still alive
sorry for the snow melt
now i can cry another day
so angry
i am always in your way

sorry i missed the point
sorry it missed me