welcome to my random collection of rants
Saturday, January 2, 2010
blocked.
So, I can make the words. I can sing the words too. So far, I haven't been willing to do that part in front of anyone, but I can get past that. However, I'm having a hard time putting music to the words. I'm not even sure what kind of music the words want, but I know they want to be finished.
repost (mine)
trust
evillinclinations posted on Aug 01, 2006 | views: 121 | Tags: relationships, rant
Originally written sometime in 2000.
this means everything or nothing, depending on how you choose to see it.
When I was new at relationships, I used to play games. It was interesting to see who would win. I would test all my limits, and press all your buttons. I'd push just to see how far I could make you go. Will you still love me the 5th time I do this to you? The 105th? Will you still forgive me then?
As I got older, I began to see the pain I inflicted on others. To trust someone is to give them some of your power. When we give someone a piece of our heart, they own a part of us. Now that I'm not so new at this, my outlook has changed. Now I know that the object of the "game" is not to see how hard you can push, or to see if some one will prove their worth to you by simply putting up with whatever you do, basically paying their dues to you...
Relationships should be based on mutual respect, not "Will you still trust me even if I deceive you" or "Will you believe my answer no matter how untrue it sounds", but "I respect you enough to care what you think" or "I want to show you that you can trust me because I want it to mean something when you say you know I am telling the truth". It is a realization that if we do not want our loved ones to question our motives, we will not behave questionably. As we get older, we learn to adjust our behaviors and maybe even our habits to accommodate the hearts of our loved ones and we know that they will return the courtesy. Then again, maybe it's just me......... END RANT
evillinclinations posted on Aug 01, 2006 | views: 121 | Tags: relationships, rant
Originally written sometime in 2000.
this means everything or nothing, depending on how you choose to see it.
When I was new at relationships, I used to play games. It was interesting to see who would win. I would test all my limits, and press all your buttons. I'd push just to see how far I could make you go. Will you still love me the 5th time I do this to you? The 105th? Will you still forgive me then?
As I got older, I began to see the pain I inflicted on others. To trust someone is to give them some of your power. When we give someone a piece of our heart, they own a part of us. Now that I'm not so new at this, my outlook has changed. Now I know that the object of the "game" is not to see how hard you can push, or to see if some one will prove their worth to you by simply putting up with whatever you do, basically paying their dues to you...
Relationships should be based on mutual respect, not "Will you still trust me even if I deceive you" or "Will you believe my answer no matter how untrue it sounds", but "I respect you enough to care what you think" or "I want to show you that you can trust me because I want it to mean something when you say you know I am telling the truth". It is a realization that if we do not want our loved ones to question our motives, we will not behave questionably. As we get older, we learn to adjust our behaviors and maybe even our habits to accommodate the hearts of our loved ones and we know that they will return the courtesy. Then again, maybe it's just me......... END RANT
Friday, January 1, 2010
this is not for you
this is where I come to sort things out. Should you find something that might help you, great. If not, then at least a little of my tragic story might have been heard by someone somewhere. If not, that's ok too, because it's still a perfectly good sorting dish for me.
that said, on with the rant: I'm a mess. I'm aware of that. I'm not actually sure I would recognize someone who wasn't if I came across such a person; they seem as rare as the average mythical creature. Sure, I'm a lot more of a mess than some, that goes without saying. I've come a long, long way though, from where I started. But that doesn't matter to anyone at all. I don't get credit for the miles I've already come, all that matters to anyone is where I am now, what is happening now, right this very minute. Nevermind the fact that I've already put more miles onto my soul than many people do in their entire lives, that means nothing. It must be nice for you to start at zero. Meanwhile, I look all around me, surveying the rubble... trying to build a beautiful castle out of nothing but broken rock.
that said, on with the rant: I'm a mess. I'm aware of that. I'm not actually sure I would recognize someone who wasn't if I came across such a person; they seem as rare as the average mythical creature. Sure, I'm a lot more of a mess than some, that goes without saying. I've come a long, long way though, from where I started. But that doesn't matter to anyone at all. I don't get credit for the miles I've already come, all that matters to anyone is where I am now, what is happening now, right this very minute. Nevermind the fact that I've already put more miles onto my soul than many people do in their entire lives, that means nothing. It must be nice for you to start at zero. Meanwhile, I look all around me, surveying the rubble... trying to build a beautiful castle out of nothing but broken rock.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)