I'm getting a lot of intrusive memories of my past lately... Some are good, most, I feel bad about. I haven't really been a very good person, but I never did anyone wrong on purpose. But, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, right?
I'm not going to go into specifics here, or name any names... But I can't sleep right now. My mind is racing... With ideas, and flooded with so many memories... I feel remorse for the things I've done even though I was not aware I was doing them at the time... And that's exactly what it always is with me... I am unaware of what I am doing. There's no bad intention, no ulterior motives, just a mind that has wandered off into oblivion.
I wonder if I'll ever be able to think clearly enough to avoid doing things I regret later... I catch myself more now... Maybe there's some magic pill that's just out of my reach that sends the message to my brain that what I'm about to say or do is completely stupid and against what I believe... Maybe I'm just completely stupid... I can be so brilliant sometimes, but I'm so terrible other times. Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde... That's me, in a nutshell... Maybe I've lost my shell...
I'm great in theory, but the reality just doesn't quite hold up, I guess. At least I have the guts to apologize... Once I finally realize I did something wrong. A lot of the time I'm not paying attention, or my mind is occupied.
Either way, I wish this long list of minor transgressions would stop keeping me up at night.
