wtf is my problem????

Ok, I've been trying really hard to hide it... but this is killing me... I really believed in you... I was so sure... and thinking that you're really gone this time is so unbelievably painful that it literally knocks the wind out of my chest... i don't know where you are, what you're thinking... you probably hate me... but i have never been more sure about anyone than i was about you... i can't stop thinking about you and i still don't think i want to, but i guess i have to let you go...

former coping mechanism

Going Under lyrics
Songwriters: Hodges, David; Lee, Amy; Moody, Ben;

Now I will tell you what I've done for you
Fifty thousand tears I've cried
Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you
And you still won't hear me, going under

Don't want your hand this time, I'll save myself
Maybe I'll wake up for once
Not tormented daily, defeated by you
Just when I thought, I reached the bottom

I'm dying again, I'm going under
Drowning in you, I'm falling forever
I've got to break through, I'm going under

Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
So I don't know what's real and what's not
So I don't know what's real and what's not
Always confusing the thoughts in my head

So I can't trust myself anymore
I'm dying again, I'm going under
Drowning in you, I'm falling forever
I've got to break through, I'm

So go on and scream
Scream at me, I'm so far away
I won't be broken again
I've got to breathe, I can't keep going under

I'm dying again, I'm going under
Drowning in you, I'm falling forever
I've got to break through, I'm going under
Going under, I'm going under