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I feel anxious lately, and like I'm not living up to my potential. At the very least, I'm trying to be a better blogger. Let me know in my comments what you'd like to read more about, or what you'd like to see on my blog. I'll be nice, I promise!

Now that that's been said, on with the anxious rambling... I feel like I have a lot of wasted potential, and I don't know what to use it for. I feel kind of lost... Like, I have no idea what I should be doing... With my life, my time... No ideas... I'm going to school, but I unsure of it. I'm unsure of a lot of things, really. I just feel like I should be doing more than I am. Do you ever feel like no matter what you do, it's just not enough? There are a lot of things that I care about, like breast cancer research, and the conditions of animal shelters... I have a lot of causes that I care deeply about... I'm just always so busy muddling through my own crap to do much about it. I think I'll do a breast cancer walk or something. That'd help...

I have a lot of things I'd like to be better at, too. I can play the guitar, but only a few chords... I can speak a tiny little bit of Spanish, I can bake, but can't cook... There are a lot of half-baked talents I have... I can't seem to pick one to refine, though. I suppose anything would beat watching television. What a time drain!

I don't know... Soon, I have to start picking up some shifts at work, and school will resume, and then I won't even have enough time for myself to think about wanting to do more, let alone the time to actually do it. I don't know. I'm sorry this entry is so boring. Please let me know what I can do to be a better blogger. Your input really does matter to me.

Bye for now. :)

daily ramble

I had a really busy day today. I always wonder what different people consider "busy". I've known some people who are busy with themselves all day, people who are just working on maintaining their lives, and people who are busy in the service of others all day. But I always wonder... at what point are you "busy"?

Registering a child for school involves a lot of paperwork. My daughter is very excited to go back to regular school. I hope she likes it more than I did. I hated school. I didn't really get picked on. I was ignored by everyone. I was invisible. I spent my teen years trying to find a voice. I can't say I really succeeded, at least not then. I wrote a lot, I painted, I did a lot of things I shouldn't have... But overall, it was a miserable time for me. I didn't have very many friends, my family life was chaotic, and I couldn't find very many reasons to keep going. I wish I had stuck around for high school, though, because there would have been a lot of opportunities for me to learn skills. I'm currently always looking for opportunities to learn new skills. But now that I'm an adult (sorta), I find I have to make the opportunities. Making opportunities turns out to be trickier than it sounds.

I really do hope she likes it, though. She probably will. She usually gets along with others very well, and always seems to be well-liked. It's cute to see how excited she is! She is excited for back to school shopping, her first day, and taking art classes. I've always been really proud of her. She's an amazing kid. I can't wait to see who she becomes. She's very strong-willed, and very individualistic, which makes me very happy. She's funny and witty and smart, too. I think that the fact that she is such an individual will serve her well when it comes to surviving school, and life afterward. I think it's really important for children to be who they are, and not feel pressured to change to please someone else. It's still important in adulthood. I'm happy to see that trait in my child.

I think it's very important for children to stay in school. There are so many opportunities that aren't going to be as easy to find when you get older. If I could go back and do it all over, I would do it differently. I wouldn't miss out on all high school might have offered me. I'm sure that for me, it would've mostly been a miserable experience, but I'd be stronger for having done it, and I could've learned a lot. I constantly feel like I missed out on things because I didn't go. Both as a person and as a student. As a person, I missed important skill-building opportunities and friendships, dances and other social events, social skill building, etc. As a student, I missed math, chemistry, and biology entirely, and the opportunity to refine my writing skills (if you call this rambling "writing"). I missed so much more than I can convey here... So if any kids come across this blog, STAY IN SCHOOL. You'll miss a lot if you don't, and you'll be so much better off for sticking it out, even though it's hard.

I think I'm done for now on that topic. STAY IN SCHOOL!
~A