It's for English class. I usually don't need to come here to get those started... English papers seem to just fall right out of my head, spilling out onto my paper, and into my teacher's hands. I usually don't have trouble with writing at all, but writing for English class seems even more natural than other kinds. It's almost like writing for myself, in a way; I'm writing something that will fulfill the requirements of the assignment, in an interesting way. That's the idea right? When I write papers for classes, I always think, "if I were grading this, would I take points off for that?", thus forming the entire structure of my paper.
Maybe I never mentioned this, but when I was in 7th grade, I somehow tested "out" of my English class. They said I didn't have to go any more. But wait! That's not all. They then decided that They could utilize my apparently advanced comprehension of the English language. So, they made me a T.A. for a 9th grade English class. That way, their 9th grade English teacher could have an assistant, and I didn't have to sleep through English (still earning A's, mind you) any more. This pattern continued for the rest of the time I was in school. I had a few other teachers enlist me to "help" grade papers in college, also.
So, I know how to grade English papers. Because I know how English papers are graded, I know how to get good English grades. Actually, it stands to reason that I already knew how to get good English grades BEFORE being enlisted by the Kent School District. (Yeah, I named names like that)
So. Why. The. Hell. Am. I. Having. A. Hard. Time. With. This. One.? (hint- that was spoken through gritted teeth)
Well, excruciating pain might be one reason. Possibly. Time, maybe, could be another. Lack of reliable short term-memory, perhaps? I have an appointment on Tuesday for some kind of new relief for chronic back pain, I hope. I don't know what she'll look for, what she'll find, or what she'll prescribe... I just know that I can't continue to live in this much pain. And ibuprofen will kill me before Maybe there are bone spurs. I have no idea. I really haven't felt this before. The vertebrae are not aligned correctly, but that's because of a basically decimated disc between the last thoracic and first lumbar vertebrae. They have been like that for a long, long time. They, and the two dislocations (one lumbar, one cervical), and the rest of the chronic disc compression (throughout my spine); are the reasons I was once told exactly what the maximum dose of ibuprofen is for my weight, and for how many days in a row I can take it without causing damage. (About two weeks)
After that many days, contact a physician who will prescribe something stronger(usually vicodin). I know that routine. This must be the pain they were telling me about... the "future" pain that they said was coming. "I don't see any spurs or anything... YET." This is different from when it goes "out" - usually, that is an acute episode that occurs when I try to lift something heavy, yes, properly. I can't lift heavy things, no matter how I say it, don't believe me. Even proper lifting fucks my back completely, landing me in bed for two weeks on pain pills & muscle relaxants (cyclobenzaprine, yes, really that many times.)
Then, there is the chronic, baseline pain that I've felt for almost as long as I can remember. I think I was about 20 when that started. During my labor (childbirth, if you didn't catch that), I somehow managed to dislocate something in the lumbar area. It hurt worse than the delivery itself (which was completely drug-free). That's when the chiropractor decided he needed to adjust me at least three times a week. This was BEFORE both of the car accidents. There was one time that I lifted something incorrectly. Once. Because it was a job requirement. You cannot, I repeat; CANNOT physically throw a 50 bag of potting soil into a truck that is taller than you without doing it in a way that puts your back in danger. It can't be done. To those who have done this without being injured, congratulations, your back is obviously stronger than mine. That was the injury that started everything else. The disc ruptured, or something, I'm not really sure. I was heavily medicated when they told me what it did. At that point, I was told that there was already a lot of degeneration (yeah, maybe that caused the injury - still not good. Have someone taller do it), and they weren't surprised that I was in pain. "But no spurs or anything. YET."
That disc continued to slip in and out of place, usually painlessly (except for 1 or 2 "episodes" per year, when it hurt so bad it knocked me on my ass) for years. Until one day, By this point, I had been in the car accident that "reversed" the curve in my neck (and the one after that made it worse), and I'd been dealing with the chronic pain of the whateverthefuck in the lumbar area. So, it was just one more thing. Irritating, but not the worst. It was kind of bulgy-feeling for about a year, but having been through thousands of dollars worth of chiropractic, and thousands of dollars worth of physical therapy, and thousands of dollars worth of massage therapy, etc., I really didn't want to deal with it. Besides, I couldn't really take time off at the time. So, I didn't ask about it, and I didn't go. I just took my ibuprofen at the first twinge of pain, and stopped it when I could reach above my head without pain. Even though I still had muscle spasms (granted, those could also be from low blood calcium - no parathyroids, remember?), and occasionally experienced sudden muscle weakness that resulted in fun things like the occasional spilled gallon of milk. WHOLE gallon. As in, my hand suddenly decided that it didn't want to listen any more, and the milk was on the floor. This happened at work, too, resulting in broken glass, lost samples, and nicknames like, "butterfingers". Fun.
A few months ago, my back as a WHOLE started to get gradually worse. Now, it's excruciating. The WHOLE THING. So yeah. It sucks. That's all I'm saying.
