L

i don't know the right words right now. at the moment, I'm a little afraid of words.
I'll try anyway, i guess...

i think that i got scared. i got scared because i realized that i was beginning to form an attachment. that all by itself is scary, i have trouble letting people in. but the person that i was starting to become attached to - i buy those Cheetos first thing in the am, with my morning coffee... that means you're in my head when i wake up in the morning - has a lot going on right now... so there was uncertainty. i think that's why i freaked out so bad. that was wildly out of character for me, for the record... normal me would have responded with, "oh ok. wanna hang out tonight instead? i have vodka".
but i wasn't normal that day. i was most likely still a bit drunk from the night before, very tired, probably metabolically out of whack, etc... but there really isn't any justifiable excuse for how i acted, and sorry doesn't fix anything.
if it matters at all, the fact that i was able to scare you away erases all doubt in my mind; now I'm absolutely certain that you're good people, though i was pretty sure to begin with. i have some issues, and tend to question anyone who might be attracted to me. i know that's fucked up, but I've been hurt a lot in the past. i try not to hold on to that, but sometimes it doesn't work.
i hope that my few seconds of craziness won't be enough to keep you out of my life. if there is anything at all that i can do to go back to before that conversation, I'll do it. if not, i really don't want to lose my friend, too.
i don't know what else to say. i miss you.