I am full of words 24 hours a day, 7 days a week... Here for your amusement, since my life is really just one big cosmic joke. Are you amused yet? I'm not. I'm angry, and sad... so very sad. I wish I knew why. I know I'm under quite a bit of pressure these days, but I always am, and I usually handle it just fine. This time, I have sunken into the abyss and don't even have the energy to fight the waves... I'm just... sinking. Forget the fight, let's just go under. What else can I do, really? I fail to see a way out of my life, and the problems that consume it. A flame of anguish is inhaling me, digesting me, spitting out my ash...
The word load has lightened today, there is progressively less and less in me as the days drift past. I feel... dry. If that makes any sense. I don't know how else to explain it. At least there is rum today. That helped for about a minute and a half. Then, I think it was about the same. If ever I was in need of a reason to live, today is one of those days. I feel so useless. All I can do is curl up into a ball on the couch. When I force myself to get up, I don't get very far. My body does not want me up and moving. I feel pain everywhere, my chest hurts when I get up, and I feel a little like I'm going through withdrawal. Of what, I have no idea. No drugs, no med changes, no explanation. I want to write something worth reading. That's what I came here for, but I'm so low I can't even do that right. What's the use in me?
The word load has lightened today, there is progressively less and less in me as the days drift past. I feel... dry. If that makes any sense. I don't know how else to explain it. At least there is rum today. That helped for about a minute and a half. Then, I think it was about the same. If ever I was in need of a reason to live, today is one of those days. I feel so useless. All I can do is curl up into a ball on the couch. When I force myself to get up, I don't get very far. My body does not want me up and moving. I feel pain everywhere, my chest hurts when I get up, and I feel a little like I'm going through withdrawal. Of what, I have no idea. No drugs, no med changes, no explanation. I want to write something worth reading. That's what I came here for, but I'm so low I can't even do that right. What's the use in me?
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