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Sunday, December 6, 2015

Life, I guess...

There is a profound sense of loneliness when you lose the kind of closeness that most people never find. I understand now, why my great grandmother would sit at her end of the table and burst into tears looking at the empty chair facing her. When your life is so entwined with another's that you can read each other's thoughts... I don't mean you can guys, or you can read their facial expressions... Far beyond that. When you can actually hear their thoughts in your own mind and converse that way... Most people never achieve that kind of closeness with another human. Even your dog requires visual cues.

I'm grateful that I once had that... That I experienced it, and that I know it's possible... But it's a gaping hole. Like half of you is just gone. I know we're all supposed to be while on our own and all that bullshit, but this is a voluntary sort of I'm whole, but here is half of me... It's a trade of soul parts of sorts. And it leaves an indelible mark on your soul. You are shaken until your whole is gone and all that remains is tiny crumbles, flour. You become weary, more so than before... If you thought it was all a putrid pile of wreckage before, you're in for a serious wake up call, because that thing - that connection... It was probably all you had. I don't believe it's possible to connect so fully and completely with one person when your mind is filled with the noises and static of so many others... Maybe you can connect thus way with a few at a time, but certainly not a large group. The clarity of a quiet mind is required to create such a level of connectedness... It is nirvana... The ultimate relationship, sailing together as one, into the sunset, drifting away from the rest of the world without concern.

It's possible... It's real... It happens... And it kills when it ends.

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