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Saturday, January 16, 2016

It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

I'm so fucking lonely. I feel like everybody's around, but nobody actually wants to know me. I want to be known, and to know someone else. I think maybe most people are looking for that in romantic relationships... But I don't think I want one of those. I don't want anyone else involved in parenting my kid, I don't want anyone to take a bunch of my time away from her, and I certainly don't want to be with someone I don't know already. If I were to "date" someone, I'd want to be friends for quite a while first. I don't need instant gratification. I need something that has a chance of lasting.

I want close platonic friendships. But as soon as I start to open up, people either back off or start tuning me out. They're missing out, really... Because I'm awesome. Once you actually know me, I'm fun, helpful, adventurous and sweet. People already come to me for advice and when they need something pretty frequently, less so since my mother passed away, probably because they think it's draining... I actually find it fulfilling.

But I feel like nobody *really* wants to be my friend. I appreciate the people around me, of course... They're always willing to help if I need it, and they're all nice to me... Most of them don't want to actually spend time with me, but they're helpful... I feel like I have too many acquaintances.

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