and more...

I told you it gets full in here. If I posted all of it for you, you might be as crazy as I am.

I can't remember what I was planning on saying in that last post, but it feels unfinished.

Have you ever run into someone you haven't seen in 10 years or so...? I don't mean just anyone that you used to know... I mean a long lost best friend sort of person...
It seems to happen to me a lot lately. I find someone that I've been searching... really searching for... someone that I miss deeply. It turns out they've been searching for me, too! So we meet up, we talk for a while, catch up... and that's the end of it. Every. Single. Time. It seems like they think, "Oh, so that's what happened to you. I wondered." and that's it. Here I am, still longing for that deep beautiful emotional connection... the kind you can't seem to create readily after age twelve or so... At first, I always think that I must have done something wrong, or said something wrong that made them decide that I was not in fact, worth all of the effort... that meeting me again was somehow anti-climactic. Eventually, I decide that since I've successfully survived without them for the last 10 or 15 years, I can probably continue as before. It's still depressing, though.


I know that I am essentially polluting the internet by publishing such mindless drivel, but I'm upset and when I'm upset, the monologue must come OUTSIDE before I can feel better and since I have no one to talk to, you're all stuck with me. Besides, if you don't want to hear it, you could always leave my diary (that's where you are).

Today, I learned that some people actually become upset listening to another person verbally (or this way) sort out their thoughts and feelings. I was completely oblivious to this phenomenon, despite the fact that I'm sure someone has voiced the complaint before. So, to anyone bothered by the thoughts and emotions of other people, I'm sorry. I really am. I still can't actually fathom your reasoning, but I can still be sorry. I will try to direct more of my personal rant stream at people who aren't bothered by it in the future. I actually enjoy listening to other people rant, because I know I am providing them a useful service. Besides, once they feel better and stop talking, my work is done anyway, right? Again, just more of my opinions...

So, I finally baked the chocolate chip cookies. I still can't remember what I was originally going to post here, but I think I've stepped out of my loop at this point. I'm sure I'll remember it later (or not).