Lost time - corrected for typos

I feel like the time for childhood games is over... I feel like I missed a lot of it because I was working. Though it made me stir crazy, I can see why some moms choose to be housewives. It's so they won't miss anything, and they'll have time to make strawberry poke cakes. I still have the recipe, but if I try to get her to bake with me now, she looks at me like I'm nuts and says, "mom I'm on a Skype call.". How incredibly sad. I'm glad she's gaining independence, but I invested everything I had in her, and now I'm all alone most of the time. I know this is an incredibly selfish way to feel, but I just miss her. Having a teenager is like pre-empty nest syndrome... Because they're still in your house, and they're still kids who will ask you to make them pop tarts because they only taste right when you make them, but they're absent in so many other ways... Especially mentally. They're somewhere else entirely. I know that despite bouts of psychosis, severe mood swings, and disabling asthma, I'm still very lucky to be so closely bonded to my child. I know that most kids her age have broken free from words like "mommy", and actually wanting to go shopping together, sleeping in my bed when she's scared... Etc... But I still feel like she's so distant. Maybe it's partially because my mother is gone, too... A change I still can't fathom... She was my soul mate. So maybe things are actually the same between my daughter and me and I just have a void now. The last thing I want is to try to fill that void with a romantic relationship, especially since I really do need someone to take care of me. I am easily breakable, and it's likely my cancer will return at some point. I've been to the ER four times in the past two months. I have a green card, I see a psychiatrist every three weeks, a therapist every week... And my daughter has even more appointments and hospital visits.
My knee is all screwed up right now and it's uncomfortable. I don't know anything...