More crap

I can't afford to go to my psychiatrist, and we were in the process of switching me to a different mood stabilizer (because this one wasn't working well enough) so my mood stabilizer dose is so low, it's not even an effective dose. I can't afford my antipsychotic, so I'm not taking it. I'm basically not medicated, other than so many benzos... At least I haven't built up a tolerance to the benzos, but my sleeping pill no longer makes me sleep. It's just like a couple extra xanax now. My meds are a mess, my head's a mess, and I can't sleep. I'm overanalyzing and all over the place. I wish I had gone back to work sooner. Then I'd probably have health insurance, be a couple thousand dollars closer to on track, and not wondering how I'm gonna buy trash bags. I'm back to applying for food stamps, and this year my refund will be around $100. I'm grateful I don't owe.
A lot of stuff has been coming up about my past and I don't know how to deal with it. I know, I know, live sucks, move on. I have obviously, or I'd be stuck in some abusive relationship. But it's weird to think about. But the money's really been grating on me, even though I know it's temporary.